Stewing

I've been stewing in my room for the past three days. I've rarely been out let alone travel in these past two weeks. I'd like to think of this as my reward for the insane amount of time and energy I put into my work in the last semester, then again, to think of the fact that I'm rewarding myself by being idle is utterly pathetic. I think I should be feeling some sort of guilt remaining in this state of inactivity seeing as I've actually got quite a bit of work to be done over this so-called 'holiday'. I should be working harder than ever, with my back bent over the desk hard at work. But interestingly enough, I'm not. And I'm not feeling any remorse or guilt over it. I'm merely.....existing.

It's moments like these when i take a step back to evaluate myself. And it just so happens these moments tend to occur at the end of the year or during some significant event on my calendar. It's like wriggling out of my skin to just take a broad perspective on the things that I've done, people who's life I've crossed, places I've been, things I've read, sights I've seen. It's reading my diary in reverse.

My views on the semester that had just ended several weeks back: I'm beginning to take more chances. And I think I need to push myself to the boundary and take more bold choices and risks. I've yet to find my stride but I'm feeling my way. I need much much better time management. I'm disappointed in myself for procrastinating at times and not setting my priorities straight, but at the same time I'm glad I handed all my work in on time. The studio design work is a very interesting topic and I'm very glad I chose this unit. I need to cherish and take advantage of it as I've only got one semester left to spend in that unit.

I've lost some part of me in the design, but can I find myself back again? Will I change? Someone once told me that you have to lose yourself before you can really discover your true nature. I hope he was right.

Don't worry about me, I'm just having alot of thoughts in my head right now that I need to vent out to someone. But funnily enough, I don't want you to tell me everything will be alright. Because you probably don't know what is really going on in my head and in my life. Just say "It sucks to be you right now" and give me a pat on the back.


Stay tuned.